The entrance to the dark cave in the undine cavern
- Several months ago, Siri
claimed to find an old journal of mine in the dark cave under the
undine hut in the East field. I've sketched the entrance above
for those readers unfamiliar with it.
Now I did lose a journal I was
keeping there, and I did try to find it, but my journal (which
I am still anxious to find as it contains some embarrassingly
elaborate devotions of love to a certain exile that I'd rather
others not read) has never been found.
Nevertheless, Siri began showing this supposed journal he found to many of our mutual friends. Babajaga was so worried about it that she made a copy in her own journal in case the original was ever lost. I have nothing to hide, so I have worked from that second-hand copy of Babajaga's to provide a copy of the text of this false journal on this page. Whomever wrote this is clearly aiming to defame the reputation for trust and honesty I have built on these islands in exile. I do not know who currently holds this "journal" of mine, but it has been in the hands of several exiles, I am told.
What's odd is that the text of this journal strikes so close to the truth. There are writings in here that reflect my deepest feelings, many of which I have only shared with Siri and a few others whom I thought I trusted. But there are also writings in there that are not of my handwriting, and they make it sound like I've been possessed or something! Well!
My mantraI'll admit that I'm not a model of sanity. Persistence in healing those closer to death is not exactly a prescription for strong mental health, especially the path I have chosen. However, although I do believe I can communicate in vague thoughts and ideas with those on a spiritual plane and even get ideas and help in my studies because of these insights, I assure you, gentle reader, that I am not "possessed" in any way by some malevolent spirit (or any kind of spirit, for that matter).
If anyone ever *does* manage to run across my journal in that dark cave, I would be overjoyed to hear of it. Not only because I would like to recover it for my own benefit but also so that the mistrust that has been sown by this false journal would finally be stamped out forever. I tried to talk to Siri about this, but he would hardly speak to me! I've known Siri for over a dozen years now, ever since we met in South Town. We've shared so many experiences together and (I thought) have been the deepest of friends.
But Siri seems like a different person. I never would have dreamed of doing this 10 years ago, but at one point, I had my suspicion that Siri had stolen my real journal and then passed off this false one for reasons unclear to me. I searched his things to no avail. I got so angry with Siri at long last that I imposed a vow of silence on him, calling on our old honor code we had in our rebellious youth. He accepted this vow and has been faithful to it, but the introspection I was hoping to spark in him has not come to pass.
I fear I will simply have to write off this whole sorry episode as some sort of huge misunderstanding. What else can I do? Abandon all trust in my friend Siri? Admit that I am somehow "possessed"? And if so, what would then happen? Some sort of bizarre exorcism rite? How will I be able to convince anyone that it works? This is like an inquisition! I fear what the future holds for me with some unknown enemy out there plotting against me, but all I can do is live on and hope that the next time he or she strikes, I will be able to respond.
Back to Koric's journal.