Our baby was due on July 14, 2003. We found out I was carrying him in early November of 2002. The funny thing about discovering that I was pregnant was my chest had hurt for over a week and we thought our twenty pound pug, Dexter, was responsible for it because he was always climbing up on me. I had been sitting at my computer night after night rubbing my chest complaining about how much it hurt. We didn't put two and two together until after the fact even though that is a common symptom of early pregnancy for me and we had been trying to have a baby. Doh!

By the end of November, I had gotten terribly sick with morning sickness. I had become slightly dehydrated and had loss some weight. I saw my doctor in early December, at which time she prescribed numerous anti nausea medicines in many forms for me to try. Unfortunately, the relief I got was temporary and I actually spent the rest of the pregnancy on a roller coaster ride with illness. We didn't tell the kids about the baby until just before Christmas. We wanted to wait a little longer this time around before getting their hopes up again because of the miscarriage we had earlier in the summer. I remember we asked Cody (8 yrs. at the time) why he thought I was so sick. His answer, "because she ate too much at Thanksgiving". Heh, I wish! I couldn't cook the turkey, let alone eat a bite! Ooo... I was so sick! Thank heavens for airplanes and Grammies!

My discomfort continually got worse as my due date approached. From about 32 weeks, I wobbled with each painful step I took. I woke up many times through the night to pee or switch positions and a lot of times just laid there unable to sleep. Getting up out of a horizontal position was at times incredibly painful, sometimes taking many minutes to get my hips and legs to do what I needed them to do. If I was up and down a lot my feet and ankles would swell and if I sat for too long the top of my stomach would feel like it was burning. It was quite a predicament for the last few weeks of work. I couldn't walk a lot and couldn't sit for too long. I remember once when Doug had come to my office to get me for lunch and my flip-flop style sandals wouldn't fit back on my feet. We had take-out in the car that day. =) I was pretty uncomfortable. Looking back I wished I had taken more time off of work for my maternity leave instead of deciding to work until 38 weeks. It was a chore just getting up each day to go. Luckily for me I had a huge support network of family, friends, co-workers and largely, my husband.

Throughout my entire pregnancy, Doug has been my support, my encouragement, my smiling face, my everything. It didn't matter what I needed from him, he was always there eagerly, happily doing whatever it took to make me smile or to ease my hurts. As often as I hugged the toilet, lay in bed sick, complained of my aches and pains or even when I cried from fear, I've always felt like the luckiest woman alive to have him for a husband and a father for all of my babies. What makes me feel even more blessed is he was this way before we got pregnant and he's still that way this very moment.

Relatively speaking the pregnancy went smoothly considering how sick I was throughout it. We had some bleeding early in the pregnancy that required attention and some pre-term labor at 31 weeks that resulted in a seven hour hospital stay and two shots that I did NOT enjoy. More tears shed that day! I think the nurse thought she was going to have to call somebody! * grins * I did suffer with some anxiety. I couldn't shake my constant dreams, waking thoughts and fears for the unknown associated with birth. It doesn't matter how many times you've been through it. I had three babies already, two with complications, one without, but in my opinion, it only made me worry more. Deep down I knew I could do it, I'd have to, but I just worried so much about it that it was difficult to relax.

I've had a phobia over needles since I was a child, so I also had horrible anxiety over having an IV. Dr. Bradford, my OBGYN, had pre-arranged with the hospital to have Emla cream applied to my IV site numbing the area for minimal discomfort. Mind you we didn't know this was an option until about two weeks before the baby was due. I was still scared, but it was better than nothing at all and having her understand my fears rather than belittle me for them was reassuring and comforting.

Leading up to my due date, here are some highlights that I could think of...

Our pug number two, Isabella, was finally old enough to be picked up in Houston from the breeder.

My mother flew in from Nova Scotia for her first visit in Nov./Dec. 2002.

Our first wedding anniversary, January 5th, ironically fell on our first overnight separation due to an Astronomy conference that Doug had to attend. He was gone for three nights; I cried a lot and am determined never to sleep apart again.

Our first family trip to Sea World. What fun!

On March 19th was my second anniversary to my 29th birthday. *snicker*

We also discovered in March during our 20wk routine ultrasound that we were carrying a baby boy!

We purchased a mini van (Honda Odyssey). It is comical when your family outgrows a car! Really all you can do is laugh, if you don't, you might cry! =)

My co-workers held a huge, wonderful baby shower for me on May 14, 2003. I was so excited about my shower. This truly was a highlight for me!

Our two boys broke sixteen windows at the local elementary school causing over $4,200 worth of damage. GAH! Yes they lived to tell about it.

My hubby had his 35th birthday on May 27th.

The youngest turned nine at the end of May and the other two turned 14 and 11 in June.

My mother arrived for her second visit on June 3rd (to stay for two months). She almost died from the Texas heat during this visit. * laughs * We hope she will want to return!

My last day of work was June 30, 2003. I've worked from home some and have still gone in to the office to run payroll throughout my maternity leave. Actually, I have only missed one payroll due to my hospital stay! I don't "officially" return until the end of September.

And of course...last but not least, my due date, July 14, 2003 came and went

...which brings me up to my last OBGYN appointment.

On July 15, 2003, Doug and I went to my final appointment at 1:15 p.m. As much as I hurt and as cranky as I was, I would have been content to just stay pregnant. I was still chicken. The doctor once asked Doug what he had to hit me over the head with to get me pregnant. * grins * I was a little nervous going into this appointment because the last exam had hurt quite a bit and I bled for a few days afterwards. Thankfully it hadn't hurt this time; she was very quick. I have my suspicions that she was rough last time hoping to move things along. The doctor told us that I was between 3-4 cm dilated, thinned and ready. She could feel baby's head, but still considered him to be a little high. We agreed to give it another week to see if I started labor on my own. We had refused inducement the week before and the only factor that was making me consider an inducement for this week was my doctor was starting her vacation the following Monday (Go figure! Isn't that always the way).

I dropped Doug off at his work and stopped at the store to pick up a few things after the appointment. When I got home my Mom noticed blood spots all on the back of my dress that I was wearing. I was pretty embarrassed to think I went to the store like that and didn't know it, but Mom figured they were probably too busy looking at my big belly, not the back of my dress. =) By suppertime I was starting to get a little watchful of the amount of blood. It wasn't bloody show like last time, it was bright red blood and the amount was heavy. A final trip to the bathroom to discover a huge clot was enough for Doug. He insisted we head to the hospital. We called our doctor and the hospital to let them know we'd be coming. Reluctantly, I got my bag. I knew deep down they wouldn't let me go home this time, but somehow I was still clinging onto the hope that I'd be coming right back. Still the big chicken!

We arrived at the hospital around 7 p.m. I just really wanted to know that everything was okay so I could leave. When my doctor showed up, she examined me (again) and said I was between 4-5 cm, but that effectively if the baby was lower she could call me 8 cm. I described the amount of bleeding to her. We couldn't see a cause for it during the exam, but she refused to take any chances by sending me home, so she said "let's have us a baby tonight!". All you can really do at that point is gulp and hope for the best and that's exactly what I did. Gulp!

I hadn't been having contractions that I could feel (just like with the pre-term labor I had). I was in no more discomfort than normal. I could feel some of what I had always called "tightenings", but that was usually the baby pushing his little bum outwards stretching my skin. The stress monitor they hooked me up to upon arrival showed a strong baby heartbeat and irregular contractions. I was pretty upset when I got moved to the labor/delivery room to find out that the doctor had ordered Pitocin to help the contractions along. She didn't discuss this with me, so it really left me feeling scared, bewildered and out of control. I hadn't pictured my labor to start like that. I wanted to labor on my own, not have any drugs to get me going. I had heard many stories about Pitocin and most of them were not good. But having thought about all of that, I also had the baby to think about and all that bleeding couldn't have been a good sign. I felt like I had to let them do what the doctor thought was best. I wasn't against medical procedures or drug intervention, I was really just scared of it all.

My labor nurse brought in the Emla cream to apply to two IV sites around 9:30 p.m.. They didn't want to take any chances of having to try twice, so they asked "the best poker" to come in at 10:30 p.m. to put my IV in. So, I had one hour to get worked up over it. Like clockwork, in they came at 10:30 p.m.. I curled up on the bed; shut my eyes tight and squeezed Doug's hand (all that before they put the IV in). It wasn't "pain free", but it didn't hurt anything like I imagined either. Any discomfort was mostly from being so tense and freaked out over having it done. The numbing worked very well, I was glad to have that part of my ordeal over with! At 11 p.m., the Pitocin was started at a low dosage.

The nurse came in every thirty minutes to increase the Pitocin. Twice she reached the maximum set by my doctor and twice she called to get approval for an increase. Prior to all my increases, I asked the nurse how much she thought it would take before I would start active labor. She told me it varies, but that once this lady had reached all the way up to 24 and still nothing while another woman only needed one dose. If memory serves me right, I got up to "thirty-two", being my high. It was a very long night. Doug slept off and on while I just sat there. Staring. Thinking. Waiting. Watching. The. Whole. Entire. Night. I was not having any pain from the contractions. I still couldn't feel them. I could see them on the monitor, but they weren't painful. They were frustrating because all I could think about was what if the Pitocin didn't work; then what will they do to me?

My doctor came in around 3:30 a.m. to check me again. Not much had really changed, but she said she really didn't want to break my water until the baby dropped down some more, so she had me sit in a chair for a few hours. When I discussed with the nurse the frustration of nothing happening, she said that if the doctor broke my water too early, she risked having the placenta drop first causing an emergency c-section. So, lucky me had that to think about for the next few hours. Doug slept again on and off; I again stared, thought, waited and watched. The IV, baby monitor and blood pressure cuff that I had been continually hooked up to since my arrival many hours before was driving me crazy. It made it impossible to move around and peeing was a huge chore, so much of one, I would actually wait until almost exploding before getting Doug to help me up.

At 7 a.m., July 16, my doctor came back to examine me. I was still not in any discomfort. A few of the tightenings I felt were twangy, but nothing to make me hold my breath and certainly nothing like I remembered labor feeling like. I was much more uncomfortable from having to stay still in one spot for so long hooked up to all those machines. It was a very long night for me and I was really tired. I was 6 cm dilated now, baby was lower, so with out much warning she scooped the hook in and told me she was going to break my waters. All my fear came gushing out with that fluid. I cried so hard. I just couldn't stop. The harder I cried, the faster the fluid came out. It's like the point of no return. I wanted to run away. Doug said a few days later that the breaking of my waters had been the hardest part for him. It wasn't fun for me either, I felt out of control. My doctor held my hand, gently talking me through what she had done and what we're going to do, trying to calm me down. She handed my hand to Doug and shortly thereafter, the first REAL contraction hit. It was like someone smacked me into reality.

By 7:30 a.m., the contractions were fast and furious with unbelievable kick to them. All I could do is breathe deep and hard through them with my eyes jammed shut and my hand clamped around Doug's. The nurse explained to us both what the effects of the pain medication would be and I agreed to have a shot mainly because of the calming effect she described. Inside I still felt too panicky to do what I knew I needed to do. I needed to relax and let my body work. The effects are incredibly fast from the medication called Stadol. It was like a heavy blanket was wrapped around me. It certainly didn't take away any pain I was feeling from the contractions, but I did feel calmer. I remember telling Doug that I was worried that I would say or do something stupid because I felt pretty dopey.

I was able to breathe and hang onto Doug through each very painful contraction. I am sure at this point the "labor and birth" really had begun for Doug having just been through such a boring, uneventful night. I felt semi-aware of what was going on around me, but time meant nothing. It was like I knew who was there, I could hear them, I could hear Doug and others talking, I just didn't care to listen. I was busy! Busy concentrating with my body. It was difficult for me to open my eyes and I felt like I was resting in between the contractions and only fully became aware as each one arrived. I could always tell one was coming before I could even feel the pain because I could feel the fluid oozing out with the onset of each contraction. I was starting to get vocal through my contractions with some loud moans at this point. Sometimes it just feels better to groan really loud when you hurt like that. It was a very painful transition and fortunately a very quick one.

Around 8:40 a.m., I managed the words they were waiting for... "push". Doug asked me if I felt the urge to push and he said I nodded quickly. The nurse came to check me after Doug told her I wanted to push. I was at 9.5 cm, so she went and called my doctor who actually never left the hospital the entire night. Doug heard a nurse ask Dr. Bradford earlier in the night if she was working and she said no that she was only here for me. She knew how scared I was and I think she knew when it was going to happen, it was going to happen fast. She wanted to make sure she was there for me. I appreciated that. A few more contractions had gone by as nurses were starting to hustle around the room. As much as I hurt at that moment, I was aware at how quickly the room came to life. They were snapping on lights, preparing baby's bed, pulling in trays, taking the bed apart etc. One nurse tried to get me to put my legs up in these god-awful stirrups (largest ones I've ever seen, not like what's in a doctor's office). She had tried to lift my leg and I told her "don't", it hurt too much.

When my doctor arrived she really took control of the room. I told her I wanted more pain medication. Doug says that was the only loud and clear thing I said since I was given the medication earlier. Of course the baby was only a few minutes from coming out, so Dr. Bradford said no to the shot explaining to me that I'd want to be awake to meet my baby. I also told her I couldn't put my legs in the stirrups, it hurt too much. She said she'd deliver my baby wherever I wanted her to. So, I didn't move. I stayed kitty cornered in the bed, with my head kind of crammed into the side rails. I didn't care, that's where I was from crying earlier when my water was broke and I just hadn't been able to move from that point on. It hurt too much.

One of the nurses gave instructions on "how to push" even though she knew I'd had babies before she said. She called it a "refresher". Well, when you deliver naturally, you don't really need a refresher, your body tells you what to do. I started to push, then I'd breathe and push a little again. We'd wait a minute for another contraction. I started pushing around 8:45-8:50 a.m.. After a few pushes with the nurse counting out loud to ten, the doctor told her to be quiet; she didn't need to count, that she should just watch me and see how effective my pushing was compared to the moms who have epidurals. They don't get "natural" deliveries too often anymore. I knew when to push and when to rest by instinct and my pushes weren't wasted energy. Of course, some of that, Doug told me after because I was too busy pushing and SCREAMING MY FRICKING HEAD OFF! *laughs *. I can laugh now when I say it, but I wasn't laughing then!

I could really feel him moving down the birth canal with the third contraction, by then the doctor could see a bulge. Just after a couple of really good pushes, his head was coming out, unfortunately, it didn't come out quite enough for the doctor to "help me" with it, so we had to wait a minute for the next contraction. Can you say pain? OWIE. I know I let out some good long yells over those two minutes. I remember in my mind feeling like I was loosing control, giving up, giving in to my fear, then as quickly as I thought all those thoughts, something in me said PUSH, push him out because it's only going to keep hurting until he's out. I pushed really hard with determination I didn't know I had. It felt like I wasn't going to be able to do it. I was almost out of strength, then out came his head. Next contraction and big push came the rest of him accompanied by another loud yell and a big gush of fluid.

Even though he was out, I could only muster out whimpers of how much it had hurt as Doug held me and we looked at our baby. I was still feeling pretty dopey as they placed him right away on my belly. I was glad afterwards that I wasn't given any more pain medication. They asked Doug if he wanted to cut the cord. He said he was way too shaky to even try. =) I can't imagine what he was going through at that moment. The placenta came shortly thereafter. The baby was checked right there in the room (perfect score) and given directly back to me. He was tucked in against my stomach, skin against skin, so I could keep him warm. While I held the baby trying to get all my thoughts together, the doctor cleaned me up best she could and gave me the news I was hoping for. The way it was delivered made Doug's heart skip a beat though. She says "Michelle, you're not going to believe this". Doug quickly looks up at her and says "don't you dare say it's twins". "Not twins," she laughs, "you didn't tear, no stitches!" Heh, stitches were just one more thing I feared! *smiles* I was so happy at that moment. I just laid there looking at my beautiful baby boy as an immense feeling of relief washed over me for having accomplished with great success, what I had feared for nine whole months. I was in awe and ready to do it all again!